flip and fall

early this morning, i heard a THUD followed by an ear-piercing wail.

i jumped up and whipped around instantly...

the baby was GONE.

she had rolled off the bed.

with my heart in my mouth, i shot out and found her lying next to the hub (who was sleeping on the floor). thankfully she had landed on the mattress. i cradled her in my arms immediately and checked to see if she'd broken any bones or bumps her head.

wei was screaming her lungs out and taking in gulps of air. she was obviously in shock.

despite being badly shaken and nearly in tears, i tried my best to hush her cries by rocking her back and forth. it took me a good 5-10 minutes to soothe her. when she was a little calmer, i let her latch on and that helped to comfort her.

i'm a bad, bad BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD mummy. :(

needless to say, the hub was upset (with me). i usually sleep at the edge of the bed but i'd woken up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet and slept on the other side (because i needed to feed from the fuller breast). i'd placed the bolster next to wei in hope that it would block her. but apparently she's now strong enough to kick it and roll herself off the bed!

wei's only 3 months old but she's now able to flip from her back to her tummy. and she does this continuously throughout the night. her little flip-o-ramas have left me panda-eyed as i've to be up constantly to check that she's not suffocating.

if my memory serves me well, my older 2 only started rolling over on the side when they were about 4 months. so i didn't expect wei to fall off the bed, especially when she's sleeping in the middle of the bed!

here is wei on the mattress that broke her fall. this picture was taken last week though - obviously not this morning when the accident took place :(

i guess this means only one thing: i'll be spending the next few years sleeping on the floor with her.

but i'd rather suffer a little discomfort to ensure that she's safe.

i'm a bad mummy.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD mummy.

*sob sob sob*

oldish mumsy

you know you're old when...

1) you get invited to your former students' wedding.
2) your former students become parents.

this weekend, it hit me squarely in the face when i bumped into kleiser at serangoon gardens on saturday. i taught this dude in 2003-2004 and he was an "overly-sunbaked" athlete: national junior tennis player, semi-pro (i think) footballer and he probably dabbled in a dozen other sports too.

now he's 26, has less time to exercise (which accounts for the extra weight on his face and roundish middle), works at astons as a group area manager (or something like that) and is going to be a FATHER in a few weeks' time!

ah...it gets better. his 21-year-old wife and i visit the same obstetrician, dr lim yuin wen.

it kinda freaked me out a little there. but i'm happy he's doing well. plus, the next time i visit astons at SG, i may not have to wait too long for my food...;)

that very same evening, i was invited to attend feroz and huiqin's wedding dinner at aranda country club at pasir ris. their sweet love story began at the previous school i taught in, and they even visited me in the hospital when my second daughter was born!

i'd initially wanted to bring my 3 girls for occasion, but the hub's family decided last minute (on saturday afternoon itself) to have a gathering at our home. i was torn between attending the wedding and staying home as the hub had volunteered to cook. in the end, i decided to bring baby wei along but told the hub to keep some food for me.

the hub drove us to the country club - wen came for the ride as well. the initial plan was that i'd stay for a bit, hand them the present and red packet, and go home. but it was difficult to pull away because i really wanted to stay and catch up with my former students who were there. so the hub left with wen while i remained with wei.

and yes, it was a reunion of sorts with the-once-kids-turned-adults. many were fresh from secondary school when i first met them. a few continued with their studies after the diploma and the rest joined the working world. now in their early to mid 20s, most of these ladies and gentlemen are faring well in their chosen professions. their amazing transformations moved me and i was really proud to see them all "grown up" and successful.

it was a lovely buffet-style dinner but it was unfortunate that i couldn't stay too long as i'd to rush home to the kids, so i left close to 9pm. and i have no pictures to post either although my former students were trigger-happily snapping away...i'll just ask them to email me the digital shots.

ah.

i'm getting old indeed.

the (old) birthday boy

we celebrated dad's 66th birthday 2 weeks ago.

usually it's a eat-out affair and this time round we dined at a neighbourhood chinese restaurant serving hokkien dishes. my youngest aunt and her family joined us for the dinner and it was a relatively pleasant meal on a saturday night.

unfortunately, going out with 3 young kids can be a real hassle. it's a logistical nightmare packing a diaper bag with extra sets of clothes, disposable diapers, face-towels and baby-wipes. that's just for the baby. and she gave us the least trouble. the hub and i took turns to carry her while we ate.

wen was ill with an on-again, off-again fever, sensitive gums and mouth ulcers. i was worried that she'd contracted the dreaded hand, foot and mouth disease but the doctor said it wasn't the case. still, it’s horrible being sick and i couldn't’ really fault her for being super grumpy and moody throughout the night. she hardly ate and all my wheedling and coaxing came to naught.

as for xian, she was flat-out exhausted from her weekly saturday swimming lessons. what’s more, she had risen early to attend her piano class in the morning and so she was a subdued shadow of her usual perky self. the sleepy girl was dozing off midway through dinner.

actually, everyone had a tiring day. my parents and i had spent the afternoon clearing out our old home at nim park. midway through the packing, i had to rush home as my in-laws had to attend a friend's baby shower and there was no-one to mind the baby.

the hub accompanied his folks to the function and by the time he got home, it was already 7.30pm and we arrived at the restaurant at 8.00pm. thankfully the girls had already eaten a bowl of macaroni each and weren't starving.

with such a tight schedule, there wasn't time to buy dad a birthday cake! and birthday celebrations are never complete without the cake!

so the hub suggested that we invite my parents over for dinner the next day and we decided on a "mini-gourmet", cook-it-yourself meal. this was first introduced to us by my second aunt who's now residing in holland and she'd bought us these cute cooking sets. each set consists of a mini frying pan, a mini spatula, stove etc.

we set up the 3rd floor balcony for the fun cook-out session. xian even tried her hand at stir-frying some food. my little chef was so thrilled with the experience and she went around "taking orders" and serving her dishes!

the best part was that we could eat in the luxury of our own home and i could keep an eye on the kids, especially baby wei, while eating!

here are some "aftermeal" shots - dad had his fill and helped entertain wen and wei while i (finally) ate.

and, of course, the usual cake-cutting routine...

personally, i prefer a simple celebration at home like this. dining out at restaurants is a treat, but handling the 3 girls can be a real headache when we're outside.

but i think grandpa's happy being surrounded by his 3 granddaughters. and that's infinitely more precious than feasting at a fancy eatery.

happy birthday dad!

a new phase: primary school

xian's officially got a place at my alma mater st.nicholas girls' school (primary).

i received the letter in the mailbox last week indicating that her application's successful. and that there's an orientation on 15 november 2008 for all new students and their parents. that falls on a saturday so i won't have to take leave.

frankly, i've got mixed feelings about this whole primary one business. the reality is that my daughter's growing up real fast, and i can no longer hold on to the days of her being my little darling who entered this world as a scrawny 2.59kg newborn. i noticed that over the past year, she's shot up quite a bit and while she's never been pudgy, xian's lanky limbs have stretched out even further. in fact, she's the tallest girl in her kindergarten class.

on her good days, xian's a sweet-tempered, sensitive and cheerful child. she's a very loving girl and always watches out for wen at school. but these days, she's started to retort, argue and pout when she doesn't get her way. my firstborn is clearly trying to assert her independence and her display of rebellious streak reminds me of, *horrors*, myself!

my nightmare has begun much earlier than i'd expected. and yes, it's retribution for the trauma i'd inflicted on my folks when i was growing up. only i'll be experiencing it threefold.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

i have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the onslaught of homework. it's terrifying to hear what my peers (who've kids around the same age) have to say about the primary school workload. just yesterday the sunday times reported that primary school-going youngsters sleep much less than they should! most of the students interviewed had only about 6-8 hours of sleep per day, while experts insist that young children below the age of 12 should be having 10-12 hours of sleep.

why are these young kids sleeping less? it's obvious. they have too much homework to complete. and to make matters worse, many have packed schedules which include music classes, swimming classes, enrichment programmes, tuition etc.

i understand why parents sign their children up for these extra classes - most of us want to give our younglings the "extra competitive edge" or help, especially if they are academically weaker and may trail behind their peers.

i'm guilty too. xian goes for swimming lessons (mostly to improve her stamina, plus i think it's an important survival skill to have) and piano lessons (i started with piano at her age and i believe in giving her some basic foundation). she doesn't seem too fond of her piano classes but carries on because her cousins are all learning to play the piano too. but i'm not going to force her to continue and am prepared to let her stop once she gets older - i quit lessons when i was 10.

perhaps i'm worrying too much ahead of time...but i am a little concerned. as most parents are. i don't think it's *just* me. being a parent sure isn't easy and i regret how ill-behaved i was as a kid.

yeah, it's retribution all right. :(

ass hedge

i have a shitty ass-hedge.

it's terribly annoying to have one.

don't ask for details. i won't post them up.

but if you see me, i'll explain. face-to-face.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR............

rag-and-bone mumsy

mum called me last week to remind me that i still had loads of junk lying around, waiting to be cleared out of the my parents’ soon-to-be-demolished place.

the en bloc frenzy last year had claimed good old nim park - the condominium where I spent my growing years and where i’d called home for about 20 years.

my parents moved into their new apartment (about 5 minutes drive from my haven @ arif) officially on 1st july and have packing and throwing away stuff for almost a month now.

honestly, i didn't realise how much rubbish i'd accumulated over the years! i'd already discarded several bags of trash when i got married and moved out into my own place, so it was quite of a shock when i finally went last saturday to clear out the rest of my things.

dad had already packed the old school trophies and medals which i'd won for my track-and-field events. but the rest were personal items which he felt i should rummage through myself.

i found boxes of stickers and coloured paper, old photographs, notebooks, autograph books from primary school, old letters and postcards from school friends and international pen-pals (those were the days when the email and facebook never existed and the only mode of communication was via snail mail). also unearthed: my school notes, report cards, textbooks, projects, essays...

there was even a box of letters from the ex which i'd secretly stashed away, for sentimental reasons. and i even found a letter from a dear friend, shirley, who died in 1993. it was very painful to read it, especially since it was in her own handwriting and her sudden passing was totally unexpected.

much as i want to keep some of the items, i know there's no space in my own home for all these prized possessions.

so...

i spent the next 3 hours or so ripping up papers/letters/notes to shreds. it's as if i was getting rid of evidence of my existence and physically destroying every single piece of memory (bitter and sweet).

but i knew it HAD to be done. after all, i'd lived without these items for more than 8 years, and i figured it was time to move on.

after 3 hours, i still had full drawers which i'd not looked through. it certainly was taking a much longer time than i'd originally anticipated. my MIL had to leave for a function, which meant i'd to go home to take care of the kids. so i had to return the next day (sunday) to finish up.

when i FINALLY gathered up what i wanted and threw out the rest, i decided to snap some mementos of my old room:

while at it, i also took some pictures of our living room, dining room and staircase...

when the hub came to pick me up, he was visibly upset that i'd salvaged bags and boxes of junk to be stored away in our home. well, it was a race against time to pack up - my parents wanted to clear out everything before the "official" last day, 22nd july 2008 - so i did what i could by chucking out the things i really didn't want anymore.

well, i'll have to spend more time to sieve through my stuff one last time. till then, my living room is crammed with bags and boxes.

and i'd better do it this weekend...before i incur the wrath of the hub and he throws EVERYTHING away!

back to work

this is my 2nd day back at work.

and i'm not loving it. not much.

i received a little "welcome back" note from my roommates, and discovered a birthday card and 3 bags of potato chips on my table from one of my ex-students. it was a very sweet gesture. :)

anyway, the 1st thing i did was to spend half the day clearing out my desk - that meant discarding previous terms' assessments and test papers, and other unwanted materials. actually, i was amazed not to find dead insects or vermin under the piles of papers. i brought a packet of baby wipes to clean up my dusty desk. my work station's less cluttered now although the hub will still shake his head in disapproval.

his standards for cleanliness and tidiness are too high for me. (which is another reason why i'd make a terrible homemaker. i'm too much of a slob to be the perfect cleaning machine.)

thankfully, there's a small room i can use to express milk for baby wei. i used the room twice yesterday, in the space of 4 hours.

yesterday was a busy busy day, and i even skipped lunch even though i grabbed an oatmeal cookie, curry puff and a slice of swiss roll to starve off hunger pangs.

my teaching will resume FULL FORCE next week - a full load of 20 hours. the timetable's crappy though. i have back-to-back classes for 4 hours on tuesdays and fridays, which is going to be challenging for me to pump milk. not much of a choice but to bear with it as i have 5 more weeks to complete before the term ends.

*sigh*

it's almost noon time and i think i've to prepare baby wei's meal...

the last day

in 12 hours time, i'll be getting ready to get back to work.

that's right. today's my last day of maternity leave.

BOO HOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

it's not that i don't enjoy teaching. a part of me misses the interaction with the students and colleagues and i'm longing forward to striking a proper conversation with people older than 6 years old.

...BUT...

i will really miss the lazy days and leisurely afternoons watching channel 8 drama reruns and my favourite CNN programme AC360 in the mornings.

and most of all, i will miss my baby wei, a.k.a. terrorliza! just a few moments ago, i'd taken these pictures with my trusty nokia N73 and you can bet they'll be my source of inspiration for the next few weeks till i get back into the daily grind:

sigh...those cutesy chubby cheeks...

BOO HOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :'(

baby's day out

i'm on the tail-end of my maternity leave...and it's utterly heart wrenching!

after staying at home for 3 months, i dread the thought of heading back to work. and worse of all, leaving baby wei at home. it's only natural that i'm attached to her since she was inside my body for almost 40 weeks and for the first 12 weeks of her life i've been at her beck and call. so the separation is going to be difficult for us both though i have no doubt she'll get used to the new routine much faster than i can express milk for her!

we had a rather eventful past week, the highlight being 3 july thursday as i registered my firstborn at my alma mater st. nicholas girls' school for her primary school education.

as i'd joined the school alumnae association 2 years ago, i qualified under phase 2A1 (For a child whose parent is a former student of the school and who has joined the alumni association as a member not later than 30 Jun 2007; or whose parent is a member of the School Advisory/Management Committee). plus there was the school's 75th Anniversary & Fund Raising Celebrations Dinner in the evening at raffles city convention centre, raffles ballroom.

i'd initially intended to take xian out of school for that day so that she could tag along for the registration and have a 1st hand glimpse of her future school where she'll spend the next 6 years, and hopefully continue to the secondary school as well. but in the end, i brought wei along with me (bundled up in the faithful sarong) as it was much less of a hassle.

the hub dropped us off at about 10am and it was a nostalgic feeling going through the school gates. i hadn't stepped into the school compound in yonks, minus the last time i attended the alumnae AGM in 2007 which was only for 2 hours and i didn't get the chance to walk around much. my old VP was there and when she saw me, broke into a wide grin and said (in chinese), "you've finally come back!"

while i was filling in the forms for the registration, wei got most of the attention naturally. she was snuggled in the sarong and everyone was cooing at how cute she was. slept right through the registration process, which saw me running to several "counters" including a trip to the canteen to photocopy some documents. i was the 34th person to register xian under phase 2A1, and the 111th person on the overall list. with 210 places available, i was confident that xian wouldn't have a problem getting into the school.

i called my folks after the registration and they said they'd come by to pick me up for lunch. i waited for them outside the bus-top and we went to AMK hub for lunch and grocery shopping at NTUC. baby wei was up by then and i adjusted her position in the sarong so that she could take in the sights:

at the tomato section

oooo...yummy cakes

at the frozen seafood section

cakes of a different kind - fishballs and fishcakes, anyone?

grandpa's in the background!

and that was half a day gone!

no sooner had i stepped back home at 2.30pm, i was preparing to go out again! this time, to attend the night function to meet up with my old school chums. it was ironic that i was going to sit with members of the Chinese Language Drama and Debate Society (CLDDS) especially since i'm known to be absolutely hopeless in the language. but i'm family with half of the ladies on the table as some were my ex-classmates or those from my batch.

and, of course, wei was the youngest attendee at the dinner event. some of my friends commented that i was very "brave" to bring my 2-month-old baby along (by myself) and via public transport at that. and throughout the night, i was approached by ladies who wanted to carry him to "show off". they nodded in knowing approval when i told them i was breastfeeding her - in fact, that was the main reason why i'd brought her along with me in the first place - the older girls had school the next day and MIL had to help watch/get them ready for bed. by taking wei with me, MIL had less to worry about.

journalists, writers, lawyers, doctors, pharmacists, teachers, entrepreneurs etc. it was really fun meeting up with old friends and acquaintances - one of my ex-classmates was in the midst of her PhD in fine arts while another friend's an assistant professor at NUS's engineering faculty. and of course there were many others who've done exceedingly well in their chosen professions, with a few who'd already obtained their doctorates or in the process of completing theirs. i was surrounded by these bright, intelligent and successful ladies who managed to juggle their responsibilities as mothers/daughters and career women.

academically speaking, i'm not in their league - i'm more an average student while 97% of them had at least 6 distinctions in their 'O' level exams. but i think i've done a fairly decent job in creating a moderate and modest lifestyle for myself. here's a (rare) shot of me and wei at the dinner, taken by dor:

by the time we left it was close to 11 o'clock, and i didn't even finish up the food as i was busy running around meeting up with old friends. thank goodness the hub came over to fetch us home as i think it would've been tough trying to get a cab at that hour.

i had a great evening. and i managed to exchange contacts with friends whom i've lost contact with over the years...and added them to my facebook account too.