filial piety knows no bounds

perhaps i haven't been a good girl because i didn't get my wish fulfilled on saturday :(

ah well...i knew my good fortune would run out sooner or later.

i admit, i was rather upset. but these days, instead of excessive grumbling, wallowing in self-pity and allowing the bitterness to consume me, i turn to mother green tara for guidance and pray for patience. (ever since i've moved in to my haven @ arif i've been more religious than i've ever been in my life.) suffice to say and i always feel better, more at ease with myself after i've confided in her.

not very much like the ol' raging mumsy, eh?

this weekend, as my internal demons wrecked havoc in my mind, i chanced upon the Filial Piety Sutra (Sutra on the Deep Kindness of Parents and the Difficulty of Repaying It), a summary of which i've included below:

1. The first is the kindness of providing protection and care while the child is in the womb.
2. The second is the kindness of bearing suffering during the birth.
3. The third is the kindness of forgetting all the pain once the child has been born.
4. The fourth is the kindness of eating the bitter herself and saving the sweet for the child.
5. The fifth is the kindness of moving the child to a dry place and lying in the wet herself.
6. The sixth is the kindness of suckling the child at her breast, nourishing and bringing up the child.
7. The seventh is the kindness of washing away the unclean.
8. The eight is the kindness of always thinking of the child when it has traveled far.
9. The ninth is the kindness of deep care and devotion.
10. The tenth is the kindness of ultimate pity and sympathy.
    

according to http://www.dictionary.com/, 'filial piety' is defined as "in Confucian thought, one of the virtues to be cultivated, a love and respect for one's parents and ancestors."

all i can say is that filial piety knows no bounds. as a mother myself, i do understand the underlying message. so it doesn't matter if one has the misfortune of belonging to evilest, most vile set of parents in the whole wide world. tough luck, my friend. we are in no position to judge the actions of those who (pro)created us, no matter what happens. also, the teachings may seem very extreme and exaggerated. and frankly, feminists who read this may condemn it as utter gibberish.

but i do comprehend the sutra, somewhat reluctantly, as this means i have to cultivate patience - a virtue that has eluded me these years - to help me get me through life as i know it.

why?

because i believe in karma - what goes around, comes around. and if my children do turn out to be ungrateful beasts, i only have myself to blame for not being a good role model. there's no doubt about it.

parenthood is tough.