I've been reviewing my posts and to my utmost horror, realised that 80% of my posts related to family are based on my firstborn, Xian, and this could lead to some false conclusion that she's the only one of my 3 kids whom I care about.
Perhaps as the firstborn, Xian's milestones and experiences impact me the hardest as I'm also following her on these adventures for the first time as a parent. As a result, many of the "first time" journeys are both hers and mine.
That's not to say that Wen and Wei will take the same paths because they are all different in their own ways. So all my experiences with Xian may be completely be reversed, based on each girl's character and development.
Of the 3 girls, Xian's the most good-natured, carefree and mild-tempered. She's a lovely girl; kind and considerate and cares for those around her. Academically, she may not be brilliant as my 8-year-old Little Miss Scatterbrain's got some dyslexic characteristics and needs time to improve on her learning skills.
Xian's rather sporty, active and likes dancing and swimming. She even taught herself how to cycle in a week (and didn't fall much) last year. Xian's also a dog lover and enjoys helping out at Woofy's Corner our pet shop once in a while. A few months back, she started to take a liking to fishing and now she accompanies the hub on his fishing trips to the pond. In order to fuel her interest further, the hub even bought her a new rod and reel as her birthday present!
Xian's "catch" (with some help) - a redtail catfish
Xian's 8th birthday 2010
Wen can't dance as well as her older sister but she likes to sing and makes up her own songs, especially when she's playing on her own in a corner of the room. Wen's pretty quick in picking up new skills and is a fast learner. Unfortunately she doesn't like to do extra work and can be distracted easily, as shared by her Jan & Elly English Teacher Sam. Apparently she doesn't pay attention in class and takes a long time to complete her tasks because she's busy playing with buttons on her jacket or looking at her friends' work to listen to her teacher's instructions. When I spoke to Wen's kindergarten teacher, she affirmed that Wen's pretty quiet in class but she does mix around with her friends. But she's a real chatterbox at home.
I chanced upon this link which talks about parenting and how the birth order of children affects their character development. Based on the article, Wen displays some classic "Middle Child Syndrome" traits i.e. the attention-seeking loner who doesn't understand why she can't be first. She startled me recently with this conversation thread:
Wen: Why is my birthday last? I don't want to be last!
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
Wen: Everyone's celebrated their birthday already!
(Wei's in April, Xian's in May, Wen's in August)
Me: But you can't choose your birthday. Yours is coming soon. Just a few more months.
Wen: But I don't want to wait. I want my birthday to be first!
Sigh. Wen often complains about not being 'first' and dislikes wearing Xian's hand-me-downs. Unlike Xian who's not too bothered about her appearance, and is comfortable in grubby T-shirts and shorts, Wen's quite a vain 'princess' and wants to wear pretty (pink, mostly) dresses most of the time. She has a nasty habit of being an obstinate and overly whiny crybaby, which irritates us to no end. My personal take is that she's upset about being sandwiched in between her sisters and do this to get our attention. She's also extremely sharp and perceptive, and can read into situations quickly.
The way into Wen's heart is, believe it or not, food. She's adventurous with trying out new food and I often have to resort to "bribing" her with food when she misbehaves. Hence, one of my nicknames for her is "meaty" because she's got a great appetite (though she isn't overweight or pudgy) and its a real delight to see her enjoying her meals. :)
Wen, my Little Miss Vain, in Bali
Wen at Woofy's Corner with Cody, Mabel's corgi
Wei is only 2 but she's definitely not a pushover. In fact, she's a tough little nut and won't allow herself to be at disadvantage just because she's the youngest. When the girls squabble, she's usually the culprit who kick off the fight and would terrorise her sisters by biting, scratching, kicking and pulling their hair. Wei can be quite commanding and bosses her sisters around (though I think they give in to humour her). She's quite fearless and even has the audacity to go up against the MIL (who's never had any of her kids or grandkids disobey her).
If you ask me about Wei's most unique behaviour, it would be that she loves fruits and vegetables! Yes, she attacks greenies, sometimes raw, and her favourites are broccoli, cauliflower, string beans, lettuce, grapes, oranges and apples. When we bring the kids out for pizza and spaghetti, I'd order salad for Wei and she'll happily crunch on them!
Wei seems mature for a her age and hardly acts "baby-like", possibly because of the influence from her older sisters. She's fiercely independent and as soon as she mastered the art of grabbing a spoon, started to eat on her own (refusing anybody's assistance) before she turned 2. Wei started walking when she was 12 months, earlier than her sisters who both wobbled about till they were about 14 plus months. A cheeky, demanding firecracker who's fiercely protective of me (she doesn't allow anyone to disturb me, her milk source). B ut at the same time, Wei tends to bully me quite a fair bit too. Perhaps after 3 kids, I'm a little less uptight and fussy about managing them especially since I'm outnumbered.
Wei playing at the park
Wei enjoying her own birthday cake
So there. A quick analysis of my lovely daughters, each unique and special in their own right.
But what about this concept of favouritism? I try, as often as I possibly can, to remain fair and impartial and not to take sides when they have disagreements. I go all out to ensure that each of them get equal treatment although the older two girls sometimes use the "Not fair! Che Che / Mei Mei can do this and I can't" tactic to make me feel guilty.
In the same article about Middle Child Syndrome, I found this paragraph which touched a nerve:
Favoritism
An especially charged topic among parents is favoritism. Favoritism is a word no parent would like to use, even if in most cases it is somewhat inevitable. As a parent, you find yourself drawn to a child who is most like you — traits that you can identify with and deeply empathize with as you experience them yourself.
But, siblings are like hawks when it comes to clues of favoring, and as parents we have endless capacity to love all our children uniquely. So you need to celebrate what you love about each, and absolutely curb yourself from ever saying that one child is more loved. It often helps to remind ourselves that we have endless capacity to love our children uniquely.
Read more: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/14335112/#ixzz0quhFNQ8g
What more can I say? I'm only human and while I can try my best to ensure I don't practise favouritism, I may not always succeed, depending on the situation. But all I can ascertain is this: I love all my girls dearly and as a mum I'll do everything I possibly can to nurture and provide them with an appropriate home environment so that they'll grow up to be mature, responsible individuals with a goodness in their hearts.
My 3 darlings - Xian, Wen Wei
The girls at Cold Storage Kids Run 2010
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