May The Force Be With Me

Tomorrow we'll hit the half-way mark of 2012.

For that, I'm thankful because it means I only have to suffer another 6 more months before I wave goodbye (and good riddance) to a terrible year.

It started off with promises and hopes, but within the second month I realised that 2012 was going to be a depressing year. I lost my unborn Bonus, who'd have been number 4 in the family, and till this day I'm filled with regret and anger over my miscarriage. At 37+, my fertility rate's on a rapid decline and after this incident, I've lost hope of ever conceiving again. Mother Nature's not been merciful but I shouldn't be greedy since I'm already blessed with 3 beautiful girls.

Just as I was trying to get over Bonus, the hub hit a nasty patch at work and his struggles to get back on track haven't been successful. Despite his tenacity and relentless spirit, he was fizzling out and exhaustion consumed him. He's served his last official day at the company he's nurtured for the last 13 years, during which he hardly took a rest. It was a bizarre turn of events that left him and his business partner(s) in a tailspin. So from tomorrow onwards, the company will continue on its journey without its Captain of 13 years. Her new course will be chartered by her founder and one of my best friends, SJ.

For the moment, the hub will still be working on a freelance basis until his services are no longer required. During this time, he'll take a deserved break to recuperate, relax, recharge, refresh and revitalise his body and soul. And then he'll decide what to do next.

Naturally, I'm caught in the middle. But the decision is a no-brainer. I will stand by my man even though I'm broken by the impending strain of a firm friendship forged even before I met the hub.

As I tweeted earlier in the day, "Friends first, business partners second. In reality, it's tough to draw that line."

And so, we've been put to the ultimate test of friendship - the hub, SJ and I. It's no secret that I hate to be subjected to such unnecessary emotional experiences, especially since I'm hopeless in dealing with conflicts. I can't see a way out of this because when it comes to professional dealings, we should never allow our personal feelings to creep in. Easier said than done, of course.

This episode also jostled me back to reality as it proved a major point: that no-one's indispensable in an organisation, no matter how much you've contributed to its growth and success. We've all got our sell-by dates imprinted somewhere. And if you allow yourself to be complacent and take things for granted, you may end up being redundant and placed in the recycle bin along with yesterday's newspapers.

Which is another reason why I'm constantly trying to keep up with what the young'uns are drawn towards. Social media helps me connect to my students and I'm open to new ideas because I want to be able to reach out and relate to them. If I don't make the effort to stay relevant, I might found myself obsolete and out of a job!

I'm now in an awkward position which I never envisioned myself to be in: playing the role of main breadwinner of the family. Of course, it's only a temporary situation and I'm certain of it because knowing my man, he'll be juggling other projects to keep himself occupied and improving the financial situation. He'd already calculated his risks and made back-up plans so our family wouldn't need to depend on my measly salary.

Thankfully we've never been big spenders or fans of brands, and our humble lifestyle isn't difficult to upkeep. Nevertheless, it's a psychological burden that's gnawing at my insecurities. These few months will be a huge challenge.

May The Force Be With Me.