But I can still see his face so vividly. I can hear his stern voice reprimanding me, his usual gruff "understand or not?" to mark the end of each scolding session.
How can I forget his signature scowl and trademark phrases "What a moron!", "That bugger!" etc. And the furrowed eyebrows. Classic.
Ironic that I would actually miss all of Dad's quick-tempered, hot-tempered explosions. Really, that's how I remember him best.
We didn't shared very many "dad and daughter" moments. But because these were so rare, I treasure the memories - even if 70% of the time it was me trying to avert his glare and choking back tears. Because he was such a difficult person to please, whatever I did, it didn't seem to quite match up to his expectations.
Outwardly, Dad was a strict disciplinarian who set high standards and tough rules. Naturally, I was terrified of him when I was growing up. But over the years, he's mellowed and my girls can't imagine him being such a tough parent because he's such a sweet doting granddad to them.
After almost 42 years, I finally understand his intentions and ways. That's how he expressed his care and concern. And I wished I possessed the wisdom earlier to interpret his "overbearing" behaviour. I guess Dad was just being protective and he wanted me to be "tough" so that I wouldn't be taken advantage of. He was probably worried that if I grew up soft and spoilt, I would not able to take care of myself if he's not around to watch out for me.
Dad, I'm sorry I took so long to appreciate what you've done for me. And now it's too late to tell you that.
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