it takes two

i was topping up my ezlink farecard at the dhoby ghaut mrt station yesterday when i spied a young woman (under 20) leaning against the corner of the railing, hands in akimbo and wearing a stony expression. opposite her a gangly youth stood in a hunch, his head lowered. it wasn't difficult to make-out that a storm was brewing.

G: "LOOK at me when I talk to You!"
B: "mumble mphfrm mmfhmphmjkh mumble..."
G: "what? speak up! I can't hear you!"
B: "i'm er... mjnlkebl kmshdj hhjahkdjdl...sorry"
G: "huh? You think..."
B: "...mrjshjdkih mdh..."
G: "how dare you...!!!"

unfortunately i'd completed my transaction by then and had to move on as there was a queue of people behind me waiting to use the machine. either that or they were standing in line on the pretext of watching the drama unfold.

the girl's shrill voice could still be heard as i was walked away from the scene. she was obviously agitated and didn't care about the spectators who had turned to look at the lovers' spat. i sympathised with her submissive boyfriend who seemed at the loss for words and could only hang his head down while she continued to verbally abuse him. no prizes for guessing who wears the pants in that relationship.

and just this morning, while on the bus on on my way to work , i stood next to another young man who was on the phone with his girlfriend. (i was close enough to hear a female voice on the other line but wasn't able to decipher her words) it was a rather tense conversation and for most part, the guy was apologising profusely..."i'm sorry ok? will you please forgive me? i'm sorry i didn't consider your feelings...blah blah blah."

why is it that these two young men meekly accept and acknowledge their girlfriends' "superiority"? do they think it's "gentlemanly" to give in and allow themselves to be publicly humiliated?

ah, young love indeed.

i remember the times when i used to have tiffs with the ex. once i turned and stormed off in the opposite direction and headed home. those were back in ancient days when there were no mobilephones or the internet, and communication was limited to home telephone lines. i would fume for hours and refuse to pick up any calls, much to the delight of my folks who never approved of me dating then. naturally i'd cool down and regret my harsh and rash act, only to find my anger reignited the moment we start "thrashing out" the issues.

yes, i was foolish once. still am, some say.

of course these days with technology you can send a nasty sms to inflict emotional torture, block or delete someone from your msn contact list, diss your lover on your blog - detail by detail - and reveal the sordid affair to the entire online community.

i have "wizened up" with experience. temper-throwing tantrums and antics fail to work with the hub. if i get into a cranky confrontational mood, the hub immediately ignores me and walks away. he knows better than to fuel my animosity and trading insults will only escalate the situation. also, i've mellowed over the years and we're both not in favour of fighting in front of the kids because young though they may be, the girls can usually "sense" if we're annoyed with each other. plus we both know that toxic words hurled during arguments will only serve to gnaw at raw emotions. not good at all.

it's inevitable for couples in all relationships - whatever stage they're in - to rankle in disagreements. i'm not a feminist and i never believe that guys will have to humour their girls and give-in all the time, and vice versa. as the cliché states, it takes two hands to clap. no-one is ALWAYS right. nobody wins by playing the blame-game.

here's an apt poem to ponder over:

A Lovers' Quarrel
byElla Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919)

We two were lovers, the Sea and I;
We plighted our troth ‘neath a summer sky.

And all through the riotous ardent weather
We dreamed, and loved, and rejoiced together.
* * *
At times my lover would rage and storm.
I said: ‘No matter, his heart is warm.’

Whatever his humour, I loved his ways,
And so we lived though the golden days.

I know not the manner it came about,
But in the autumn we two fell out.

Yet this I know – ‘twas the fault of the Sea,
And was not my fault, that he changed to me.* * *

I lingered as long as a woman may
To find what her lover will do or say.

But he met my smiles with a sullen frown,
And so I turned to the wooing Town.

Oh, bold was this suitor, and blithe as bold!
His look was as bright as the Sea’s was cold.

As the Sea was sullen, the Town was gay;
He made me forget for a winter day.

For a winter day and a winter night
He laughed my sorrow away from sight.

And yet, in spite of his mirth and cheer,
I knew full well he was insincere.

And when the young buds burst on the tree,
The old love woke in my heart for the Sea.

Pride was forgotten – I knew, I knew,
That the soul of the Sea, like my own, was true.

I heard him calling, and lo! I came,
To find him waiting, for ever the same.

And when he saw me, with murmurs sweet
He ran to meet me, and fell at my feet.

And so again ‘neath the summer sky
We have plighted our troth, the Sea and I.