my little rugrat

my absence has not gone unnoticed. a few people have asked me what's happened, since i'm usually pretty regular in my postings.

yeah, i've been away a long, long time.

and for good reason too.

i've been grouchy, moody, grumpy, angry, barfy and all the usual hormone-induced emotions and physical ailments that are included in the pregnancy package.

that's right. i'm going to be a mumsy to a third kid, the poor unfortunate soul.

all the stuff i love to do i now hate - including reading and writing. in short, i hate EVERYTHING. all i want to do is to crawl into some hole and hide till it's all over.

i'm terrible company, as some of my regular lunch companions would confirm, since i have strong food aversions and my crummy appetite is aggravated by nausea and the frequent retching. i'm exhausted all the darn time, and sleep is never enough.

with no desire to hang around savoury edibles and equipped with zero social skills, i'm thankful for the brave few who have been sticking around, giving me the much-needed emotional support as i trudge through my horrendous first trimester. (this pregnancy is by far the most difficult one for me possibly because of i'm older and i have 2 monsterinas to placate.)

the little rugrat is due mid to end april - and i'm still inflicted with bouts of nausea. i've thrown up quite a bit of food over the past few weeks and although i'll be embarking on my second trimester soon, my morning/afternoon/night sickness hasn't disappeared.

i can't believe i'm going through pregnancy for the third time.

WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING?!?!?!??!!?!

i'm beginning to doubt if i'd done the right thing by co-creating and in a couple of months, delivering another child into this world - one who'll be eventually challenged by a stressful education system and face other cruel atrocities of life.

don't get me wrong - i love my kids. my maternal instincts just don't go beyond the boundaries of my own children. i'm not who'll coo at strangers' babies unless they are frightfully adorable. i detest pesky, rowdy kids who scamper up and down the buses, MRT trains and make a general nuisance of themselves.

but then again, it's pretty evident that i'm not too good with kids, especially since mine don't belong to the most obedient, well-behaved and disciplined species. in fact, i'm not too confident of making the passing grade that's required to be a decent mother. (i guess it depends on who's setting the assessment criteria.)

ah. my poor little rugrat. if only you knew what's in store for you when you make your appearance next year.