After a break of 6 years, I've *almost* forgotten what it's like caring for a newborn. (I'd to unlock my memory bank and sieve through archives to retrieve the data.) But like a plug-and-play device, I was up-and-running, and settled into auto-pilot mode within the first month.
Qi is now 8 weeks old and I'll be heading back to work in a month's time. Mixed feelings all round because much as I love my kids, staying home with them full time drives me hair-pulling bonkers. Furthermore, giving up my job will financially cripple us - not that I make tonnes of money as a polytechnic lecturer but feeding a big family doesn't come cheap and every extra bit helps.
While I may not have the luxury of updating my blog on a regular basis, I do try to capture significant moments of my life so that I won't forget them in time to come. Qi has been difficult in the last few weeks, possibly because she's mastered the art of manipulation and skillfully executes her well-planned manoeuvres to get what she wants. No longer the calm, sleeping newborn who was so easy to care for in the early days.
While I may not have the luxury of updating my blog on a regular basis, I do try to capture significant moments of my life so that I won't forget them in time to come. Qi has been difficult in the last few weeks, possibly because she's mastered the art of manipulation and skillfully executes her well-planned manoeuvres to get what she wants. No longer the calm, sleeping newborn who was so easy to care for in the early days.
We've had a fair share of rotten days when she'd yell her lungs out and nothing seemed to pacify her. I'd get frustrated in return and lash out at the older ones (usually Wei) who often fuel my rage by procrastinating, lazing around, squabbling with each other and getting on my nerves with their nonchalant ways and general misbehaviour. Not forgetting the well-meaning advice dispensed which I do appreciate but not necessarily always want to act on because I have differing views. And then everyone becomes unhappy and I berate myself for upsetting the balance in our family.
*SIGH*
Note to self: I need to work on my anger management skills. Harsh words uttered in a fit of anger can't be retracted.
Anyway, I penned this simple poem while everyone was out, leaving both Qi and me alone to enjoy each other's company. Conversation was one-way, although she occasionally grunted, snorted, gurgled, cried and cooed in response.
And then she flashed this wide, heartfelt grin:
In one fell swoop, every ounce of negative energy drained from my pores. Those sleepless nights, the crazy feeding fights, dirty diaper wars and wailing matches were all worth the while.
And all it took was one toothless smile.
Qi, this one's for you.
Baby Dearest
I forgive you when you're super cranky
Screaming down the house
I forgive you being a fussy eater
Regurgitating milk on my blouse
I forgive you for restricting my diet
Making me constantly check your poo
I forgive you for my blood-shot panda eyes
Waking me every other hour or two
I forgive you when you refuse to sleep
Insisting on being rocked and cuddled by me
I forgive you for keeping me up in the wee hours
Cooing and gurgling till three
I forgive you even when you cry for no reason
Understanding you've limited means of communicationI forgive you when you're demanding and loud
Fighting with your sisters for my exclusive attention
I forgive you for every frustration you cause
Knowing it isn't at all deliberate
I forgive you for every little thing my child
Being mum to you, darling girl, is a welcomed fate
Teo Yuan Ching
4 May 2014
Copyright © 2014 Teo Yuan Ching
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