12 Years: Honest Reflections

Every day is a brand new day with new challenges and new expectations.

And after 12 years of being legally wedded, I can't say that I've the answers to a perfect marriage because in all honesty there have been times when I question the sanctity of my mind when I decided to spend the rest of my life with the hub.

I love the man. He's been my rock and pillar of strength when I faltered. He always knows when I'm at my lowest ebb. He's solid, dependable, sweet and loyal. He's made huge sacrifices for the family. And I cannot imagine my life without him.

Yet, there's always a "but" in every story, even in fairy tales.

We have our differences, especially family matters and specifically in our approach towards bringing up the kids. And their education.

He feels that I've been negligent in building the girls' academic foundation and chides me for not guiding them properly in school work. Ironical since I'm an educator by profession. He hates my "addiction" to social networking - be it Facebook, Twitter, Blogs etc. I try to explain that these are tools which help me alleviate my stress but he argues that they simply add to my load and gets irritated that I spend time on the computer.

On my end, I wish that he's more connected with the girls and that he takes a more active role in their lives. The only time he "appears" is when disciplinary action is required - usually because I'm at my wits' end and the kids are getting the better of me. His argument is that he's bogged down by heavy responsibilities at work and his financial contribution to the family's income is more substantial, reasons I don't deny. Still, it would be nice if he's around a little more and show some concern to the children's personal development.

We're far from being the Ambassadors of Wedded Bliss. Like many couples, married or otherwise, we have our share of squabbles and disputes but with communication and compromise, we try to work out these differences as well as we can.

Still, there's no denying that I often feel trapped.

I'm a free spirit caged by circumstances and expectations. And there are moments when I'm torn by responsibilities to the family and my desire to break free from the chains that have kept me grounded. I will openly admit that while relations among other family members remain cordial, differences in attitudes and beliefs have put a strain on these ties. I've to constantly remind myself that everyone's entitled to their own thoughts and we should respect each other's opinions.

Unfortunately, I'm possibly the only one who believes in this. Call me sensitive but I think we should never pass judgments before understanding what's going on. Every child is different. Every parent is different. There's no one-size-fits-all model that can be universally applied.

Despite my best efforts to suppress the bitterness, battles fought between my inner demons often threaten to rage out of control. This is where it gets challenging because I hate wars and prefer to play peacemaker when animosity breeds.

But when the mediator is provoked, who steps in?

I'm still working on the solution and at the rate things are going, these answers aren't going to fall on my lap anytime soon.

Please don't be fooled by the emotional outburst. I AM happy. I don't regret my choice of a husband, despite our issues. I never sought to look out for Mr Perfect anyway and to me, he's the ideal person for the job.

And I'm by no means the easiest person on earth to live with either, so I appreciate him for learning to accept me and my faults: lock, stock and barrel. On my part, I've to strive harder to be a better mum, better wife, better daughter and better daughter-in-law.

So what's the key lesson I've learnt in these 12 years?

Well, at the end of the day, what really matters is that we've tried to resolve differences, worked together, sang the same tune and danced to the same routine. Marriage is a life-long partnership that MUST be able to withstand external pressure and internal woes.

Most importantly, I'm confident that I've chosen the right General to fight alongside with, and not against, in all my past, present and future wars.

To the Love of my Life, THANK YOU for these 12 years. And I look forward to many more. Till Death do us part.