When colours matter

Last week I got a pedicure done and faced the usual dilema: which colour should I paint my toenails in?

It may seem like a frivolous matter totally unworthy of a blog entry but trust me when I say that the colours I pick will spark of a war. Literally.

You see, whenever I get a pedicure, my girls openly squabble over which colour I should choose - usually their favourite colours. Xian roots for purple, Wei chants "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN!" while Wen (who has decidedly outgrown pink) suggests blue, silver and turquoise.

Over the years I've tried out a variety of colours and usually settle for something "safe" i.e. shades of reds, purples, corals, nudes and browns. So last Monday I decided to take a gamble and picked a greenish shade.

The minute the colour was applied on my big toe, I regretted it. Instantly.

I could still change my mind there and then, but I decided to stick with it even though it looked arghfully bleh.

Why?

Because green is Wei's favourite colour and I felt that I "owed" her. And choosing green to "beautify" my twinkle toes was a way of "making it up" to her.

Admittedly, I've been pretty mean to my 6-year-old. Qi has "usurped" Wei's position as baby of the household and Wei's not been reacting well to the situation. While she loves her baby sister to bits, it's obvious that she's still trying to come to terms with how the dynamics of the family has changed. She "acts up" and does things to irritate everyone, just to get our attention.

For example, Wei will jump on the bed while Qi is peacefully lying down. The sudden jolts would shock Qi and she'd cry. That would get us mad and we'd yell at Wei for disturbing her baby sister. Or she'd holler, yell and laugh on purpose when the baby's sleeping. Once, Wei even pinched Qi's cheeks and the baby screamed her lungs out.

I try to control my temper whenever these incidents happen but with less than 6 hours of sleep (interrupted, no less) each day, you can well imagine how grumpy this weary fat cat is. And before I can pinch myself, this provoked tigress roars. No holds barred.

Being the thick-skinned and equally thick-headed child that she is, Wei would usually just shrug her shoulders and stomp off only to return 3 minutes later to either repeat her actions or try a different strategy to get some reaction from me.

It's already exhausting enough to second guess what the baby's trying to communicate. I really don't wish to deal with another kid's insecurities. But I know Wei needs to be reassured that she's still my little ragamuffin and I love her loads despite her constant attempts to push my buttons.

When she caught sight of the colour, she proudly announced to her sisters "Che Che! Mummy painted green you know! GREEN leh!"

Wen the silent observer made sure Wei was out of sight (and ear shot) before she commented, "You chose this to make Wei happy right, Mummy?"

"How did you know?" I asked.

Wen smiled and replied, "Because you don't like green, what! You're just doing this for her. Am I right Mummy?"

Sharp and intuitive, my secondborn. That one keeps her thoughts to herself most of the time but when she does attempt to communicate, she usually surprises me with her sensitivity and maturity.

So here I am with a coat of emerald polish on my toes. It's been exactly a week and I've grown accustomed to the green tips peaking from my slippers. I'll let them grow out and make another trip to the manicurist in a few weeks' time.

Best part? Wei's cut down on her crazy antics these past few days. She's still creating havoc, of course. That's never going to change and we certainly don't expect her to.

Isn't it amazing what a little colour can do?

Before Bedtime

Bedtime's always a chore for the girls.

Especially during the school holidays because they know they don't have to get up early.

So they amuse themselves by squabbling, biting, kicking, taunting (the list continues) each other just before they hit the sack.

And sometimes they just do the silliest but most adorable things. Here's an example:

Clowning around before bedtime

While I was uploading photos onto Facebook, the younger two rushed into my room and dashed under the patch-work blankets, giggling all the way. I couldn't resist and took a photo of their theatrics. 

I guess they just wanted to have a little fun before heading to bed.

Off With Their Locks!

In about 3 weeks' time, the girls will head back to school. 

Xian's 'been promoted' to upper primary - she'll be in Primary 4. Wen will join her as a newbie in Primary 1 and Wei's moving on to Nursery 2.

MIL figured that since I'm off work this week, it's the most opportune time to bring the girls for their back-to-school haircut. (She also decided to have her greying roots dyed dark brown/black.)

They girls usually visit Auntie Fang at Compassvale Link where she operates her home-based hair salon. She charges SGD5.00 for a haircut (for kids) and that's a real bargain. A couple of months back I brought Xian to my regular hair salon at Serangoon Gardens and I'd to fork out SGD12.00 (or was it SGD24.00?) for a mere trim. 

The girls love to visit her home because they can play with her kids (around the same age as my older girls) and watch TV while waiting. Auntie Fang's also quick with her scissoring as she knows how impatient children are when getting their haircut.

Snip! Snip! Snip!

She's good for basic cuts and fuss-free styles, suitable for children. She cut my hair once but I realised that she layered my hair too liberally and the finishing was rather choppy, which made my untidy, wavy mane even messier than usual. Doesn't help that I don't have smooth shiny lustrous locks either.

Anyway, I paid SGD12.00 in total because she charged only SGD2.00 for Wei's fringe trim. Where else can you find such a reasonable rate?!?!??!

The girls are happy with their cuts. And I'm happy because I didn't burn a hole in my pocket. :)

Favouritism

I've been reviewing my posts and to my utmost horror, realised that 80% of my posts related to family are based on my firstborn, Xian, and this could lead to some false conclusion that she's the only one of my 3 kids whom I care about.

Perhaps as the firstborn, Xian's milestones and experiences impact me the hardest as I'm also following her on these adventures for the first time as a parent. As a result, many of the "first time" journeys are both hers and mine.

That's not to say that Wen and Wei will take the same paths because they are all different in their own ways. So all my experiences with Xian may be completely be reversed, based on each girl's character and development.

Of the 3 girls, Xian's the most good-natured, carefree and mild-tempered. She's a lovely girl; kind and considerate and cares for those around her. Academically, she may not be brilliant as my 8-year-old Little Miss Scatterbrain's got some dyslexic characteristics and needs time to improve on her learning skills.

Xian's rather sporty, active and likes dancing and swimming. She even taught herself how to cycle in a week (and didn't fall much) last year. Xian's also a dog lover and enjoys helping out at Woofy's Corner our pet shop once in a while. A few months back, she started to take a liking to fishing and now she accompanies the hub on his fishing trips to the pond. In order to fuel her interest further, the hub even bought her a new rod and reel as her birthday present!

Xian's "catch" (with some help) - a redtail catfish

Xian's 8th birthday 2010

As for my 5-year-old Wen, she's quite the complete opposite. While Xian's clearly more sociable and outgoing, and takes to people quickly, Wen's reserved, cautious and may appear standoffish at times. But once she's warmed up, she's extremely sweet, friendly and loyal. Her school principal Ms Chua told me last year that Wen's a "serious" girl who didn't smile or respond when she (the principal) greeted her in the mornings. However, when I met Ms Chua recently, she noted a marked improvement in Wen's attitude and said that Wen now smiles cheerfully and says "Good Morning Ms Chua" or "Goodbye Ms Chua". I guess it's because Wen's now more used to the environment after 1 year of studying in the kindergarten.

Wen can't dance as well as her older sister but she likes to sing and makes up her own songs, especially when she's playing on her own in a corner of the room. Wen's pretty quick in picking up new skills and is a fast learner. Unfortunately she doesn't like to do extra work and can be distracted easily, as shared by her Jan & Elly English Teacher Sam. Apparently she doesn't pay attention in class and takes a long time to complete her tasks because she's busy playing with buttons on her jacket or looking at her friends' work to listen to her teacher's instructions. When I spoke to Wen's kindergarten teacher, she affirmed that Wen's pretty quiet in class but she does mix around with her friends. But she's a real chatterbox at home.

I chanced upon this link which talks about parenting and how the birth order of children affects their character development. Based on the article, Wen displays some classic "Middle Child Syndrome" traits i.e. the attention-seeking loner who doesn't understand why she can't be first. She startled me recently with this conversation thread:

Wen: Why is my birthday last? I don't want to be last!
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
Wen: Everyone's celebrated their birthday already!

(Wei's in April, Xian's in May, Wen's in August)

Me: But you can't choose your birthday. Yours is coming soon. Just a few more months.
Wen: But I don't want to wait. I want my birthday to be first!
Sigh. Wen often complains about not being 'first' and dislikes wearing Xian's hand-me-downs. Unlike Xian who's not too bothered about her appearance, and is comfortable in grubby T-shirts and shorts, Wen's quite a vain 'princess' and wants to wear pretty (pink, mostly) dresses most of the time. She has a nasty habit of being an obstinate and overly whiny crybaby, which irritates us to no end. My personal take is that she's upset about being sandwiched in between her sisters and do this to get our attention. She's also extremely sharp and perceptive, and can read into situations quickly.

The way into Wen's heart is, believe it or not, food. She's adventurous with trying out new food and I often have to resort to "bribing" her with food when she misbehaves. Hence, one of my nicknames for her is "meaty" because she's got a great appetite (though she isn't overweight or pudgy) and its a real delight to see her enjoying her meals. :)

Wen, my Little Miss Vain, in Bali

Wen at Woofy's Corner with Cody, Mabel's corgi

Wei is only 2 but she's definitely not a pushover. In fact, she's a tough little nut and won't allow herself to be at disadvantage just because she's the youngest. When the girls squabble, she's usually the culprit who kick off the fight and would terrorise her sisters by biting, scratching, kicking and pulling their hair. Wei can be quite commanding and bosses her sisters around (though I think they give in to humour her). She's quite fearless and even has the audacity to go up against the MIL (who's never had any of her kids or grandkids disobey her).

If you ask me about Wei's most unique behaviour, it would be that she loves fruits and vegetables! Yes, she attacks greenies, sometimes raw, and her favourites are broccoli, cauliflower, string beans, lettuce, grapes, oranges and apples. When we bring the kids out for pizza and spaghetti, I'd order salad for Wei and she'll happily crunch on them!

Wei seems mature for a her age and hardly acts "baby-like", possibly because of the influence from her older sisters. She's fiercely independent and as soon as she mastered the art of grabbing a spoon, started to eat on her own (refusing anybody's assistance) before she turned 2. Wei started walking when she was 12 months, earlier than her sisters who both wobbled about till they were about 14 plus months. A cheeky, demanding firecracker who's fiercely protective of me (she doesn't allow anyone to disturb me, her milk source). B ut at the same time, Wei tends to bully me quite a fair bit too. Perhaps after 3 kids, I'm a little less uptight and fussy about managing them especially since I'm outnumbered.

Wei playing at the park

Wei enjoying her own birthday cake

So there. A quick analysis of my lovely daughters, each unique and special in their own right.

But what about this concept of favouritism? I try, as often as I possibly can, to remain fair and impartial and not to take sides when they have disagreements. I go all out to ensure that each of them get equal treatment although the older two girls sometimes use the "Not fair! Che Che / Mei Mei can do this and I can't" tactic to make me feel guilty.

In the same article about Middle Child Syndrome, I found this paragraph which touched a nerve:

Favoritism
An especially charged topic among parents is favoritism. Favoritism is a word no parent would like to use, even if in most cases it is somewhat inevitable. As a parent, you find yourself drawn to a child who is most like you — traits that you can identify with and deeply empathize with as you experience them yourself.

But, siblings are like hawks when it comes to clues of favoring, and as parents we have endless capacity to love all our children uniquely. So you need to celebrate what you love about each, and absolutely curb yourself from ever saying that one child is more loved. It often helps to remind ourselves that we have endless capacity to love our children uniquely.

Read more: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/14335112/#ixzz0quhFNQ8g
What more can I say? I'm only human and while I can try my best to ensure I don't practise favouritism, I may not always succeed, depending on the situation. But all I can ascertain is this: I love all my girls dearly and as a mum I'll do everything I possibly can to nurture and provide them with an appropriate home environment so that they'll grow up to be mature, responsible individuals with a goodness in their hearts.

My 3 darlings - Xian, Wen Wei

The girls at Cold Storage Kids Run 2010

Second Born

Here's a poem for my beloved peanut, Wen.

Number Two: Wen

Second Born

18 August 2005
An extremely special Thursday
That’s when our peanut popped
And brightened our lives in a magical way

Born in the Year of the Rooster
She’s a darling baby Leo
Loved by Mummy and Daddy and big sis too
The perfect addition to our family trio

Cuddly and bright-eyed and adorable
She’s a rather feisty one
Already a champ in our eyes
Our second little Leonglet - Sook Mun

Teo Yuan Ching
4 September 2005

Copyright © 2005 Teo Yuan Ching

Daddy's Double

Here's simple poem for the Hub's 33rd birthday. Since I wrote one for him as a "gift" when he first became a daddy during his 30th birthday, thought it's befitting that he gets another one when he became a father a second time round.

This is kinda unfair though: how come no-one ever writes anything for me?

Daddy's Double

Mirror mirror on the wall

Don’t I look like daddy at all?

I’m the Princess Um-boo-boo
Here’s something I wanna share with you
No one can deny

No matter how hard they try

I’m a splitting image of Daddy

The resemblance is really uncanny

The shape of my oval face

Same puffy cheeks in place

Right to ‘em single-lid eyes

So it’s hardly any surprise
That everyone I meet

Even strangers walking the down street

Say I look so much like him

And that fills his heart to the brim

I’m sure he’s as proud as a peacock

That his second girl’s a chip off the old block

(And here’s a secret I can’t keep
I snore like Daddy too when I’m asleep!)
Many think I’m a baby boy

Maybe I should act a dash more coy?
We don’t need a DNA test
We’ll win any Parent-Child look-alike contest
Mirrors don’t ever lie, no-sir-ree
I’m sure glad I got Daddy’s genes in me
Others say my looks may change with time

But I’ll bet my very last dime
I’ll always look like Wing Sum

The Daddy of Sook Mun the Grumble Bum

~ Baby Sook Mun ~

Teo Yuan Ching
25 March 2006

Copyright © 2006 Teo Yuan Ching