Failure

I've failed as a wife and mother.

I can't seem to get my priorities right and get easily distracted by frivolous things like silly FB games, Twitter, blogging and now, PE2011.

The hub's furious. He's livid. And I can't blame him.

Xian's 3rd Term CA is on Monday and instead of helping her revise her work, I'm spending hours on end in front of the computer, trying to get little nuggets of information about PE2011 and playing mind-numbing games. Such an irresponsible mother. I cannot justify my actions at all.

Th hub's right about my addiction to social media and the constant flow of information I get inundated with. It's never been a more thrilling time, with changes happening in society and the birth of digital age. And I embrace this new era because I've suddenly found a little corner where I can creep to seek refuge from the harsh realities of life. In truth, I'm sick of my responsibilities - at work and at home - and I desperately need some time-out. But I can't just drop everything and run away. I'm just trying to look for an outlet to cope with my own stress.

It's getting ridiculous. The more upset I am about work and family, the more I just want to plunge into an alternative space where I can escape from everything. I'm literally struggling to keep my head above the water. Being a mother is the toughest job I've ever taken on, and I'm beginning to realise that I'm too selfish and ill-disciplined to ever be the right role model for my kids.

But this is my outlet - writing - and it's the most effective way for me to get my emotions off my chest. I usually feel a lot better after I've poured my woes.

Ironically, it's also threatening my relationships with my loved ones.

Right now, I'm lost. Hopelessly lost.