A Woman's Worth

A woman's self worth should never be measured solely on the number of heirs or successful children she's produced for her husband's family.

Yet, regrettably for the fairer sex, this is still the case even as we've crossed into the 21st Century.

How many times have I heard laments that a family's lineage is broken because there are no heirs to "carry down" the family name? Or that wives are not doing their duty by denying their husbands offspring? Or that husbands are entitled to take a lover in hopes of bearing a son? Or that working mothers are selfish and self-centred, unlike noble SAHMs who give up their careers for the sake of their children? Or that once married, a woman's lost her identity? Or that once a single woman's passed her sell-by date she's going to be a burden to society because she doesn't have a man by her side?

For whatever reasons, some people should stop offering "friendly" but unwanted advice. It's rude, intrusive and hurtful.

Before anyone criticises the seemingly footloose fancy-free DINKS (that's dual-income-no-kids for the clueless), I urge you to stop and think for a minute. Perhaps they do want kids but for some reason aren't able to conceive. And it's AWFUL to hear nosy relatives and friends asking why they haven't started family planning when they have been trying hard to get pregnant.

And for the ladies who've decided not to settled down legally, perhaps it's a blessing in disguise. And they're the ones who will get the last laugh.

Someone in the family (not related by blood, but purely by legal connections) once commented that when a woman is married, she's like water poured out of the front door. I was mortified that my life - and worth -  had been literally "washed away". I started to wonder what I'd gotten myself into. It was traumatic to learn that my value as a person was pegged to such out-dated perceptions of how an obedient wife / daughter-in-law / mother should behave.

Rubbish, I say. Utter rubbish. I am no slave to the family. My parents did not send me to school to watch me graduate with a bachelors and masters degree, only to became a second-rate citizen in my husband's family. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm worthless. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I don't have rights.

I've heard enough. And I'm stating this on record that I've had enough. I hang on only because I love my hub and kids dearly, and I'll protect them at all costs. And I want my three daughters to grow up knowing that it's perfectly all right to be girls, and that there's nothing to be ashamed of.

In spite of all the discrimination, I'm thankful that the hub's been silently supportive. Of course, there are times when the alpha male in him surfaces, but I don't blame him because he's been conditioned that way.

Anyway, Chinese families tend to favour sons over daughters and I've seen this even in my own family. It's no secret that my deceased grandfather held his sons in high esteem, and that his sons could do no wrong. Yet when he was at his deathbed, and my youngest aunt was his main care-giver, he was oblivious to her existence. He took her for granted and uttered no word of appreciation. Naturally, my aunt felt hurt, but she silently carried out her duty and was filial to the very end.

Times are changing, and society's beginning to slowly alter the perception of women's place in the larger scheme of things. While I'm still unable to escape these expectations, I must admit that I've had a much easier time compared to women decades ago. I can only hope that when my own girls start their own careers, and perhaps their own families, they'll be accepted for who they are and not what they're supposed to be.

Here's an apt song by Alicia Keys that summarises women's value in society.




A Woman's Worth

You could buy me diamonds
You could buy me pearls
Take me on a cruise around the world
Baby you know I'm worth it
Dinner lit by candles
Run my bubble bath
Make love tenderly to last, to last
Cause baby you know I'm worth it

Wanna please wanna keep wanna treat your woman right
Not just dough but to show that you know she is worth your time
You will lose if you chose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man who knows her worth

[Chorus]
Cause a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth

If you treat me fairly
I'll give you all my goods
Treat you like a real woman should
Baby I know you're worth it
If you never play me
Promise not to bluff
I'll hold you down when shit gets rough
Cause baby I know you're worth it

She walks the mile makes you smile all the while being true
Don't take for granted the passions that she has for you
You will lose if you chose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man who knows her worth

[Chorus]

No need to read between the lines spelled out for you (spelled out for you)
Just hear this song cause you can't go wrong when you value (better value)
A woman's (woman's)
Woman's (woman's)
Worth!