Of dates, love and such

I was chatting with a friend over lunch the other day and we randomly ventured into the "eX-zone" i.e. we talked about our previous relationship(s).

In all honesty, I couldn't comment much because officially I've only ever had two serious boyfriends. And I married one of them. I didn't even go on many casual dates - just 1 or 2 - and after that, made it perfectly clear that I'd much prefer to draw the line at "friends" and nothing more.

So when it comes to BGR stuff, I'm not the right person to go to for advice because I don't have much experience to share.

Anyway, I'm not exactly the kind of girl a guy would instantly fall head-over-heals in love with. (You know the type guys prefer: sweet, beautiful, slim, demure and candy-coated etc.) Back in my growing years, I was a slightly chubby 17-year-old with a dark sense of humour and possessed a rather acidic view of the world, a moody, broody cynical being with issues. Ironically I wasn't a loner and I had friends from both genders. Most of my male friends (and now even colleagues) treat me as just one of the guys and I sometimes think they forget I'm not a man. Case in point: I participate in their no holds barred, expletive-ridden swearing sessions but these get toned down if there's another female (besides myself) present. Besides, there were never any romantic sparks that ignited and I enjoy the platonic friendships that I've forged over the years.

Coincidentally, some weeks back, someone else casually asked what I looked for in a guy. Naturally, the image of the hub popped up and I tried to pin down the X-factor which attracted me to him.

There wasn't a single factor.

Not one.

But there were several things.

First of all, it wasn't purely physical attraction. The hub's not handsome, but he's pleasant-looking in a cute, nerdy way. (Perhaps the look has just grown onto me). Although he's not very tall, he was fit and had a decent, proportionate physique. I was quite into sports then so I was drawn to the fact that he was a swimmer and long-distance runner.

More importantly, I admired his principles and practical, dependable nature. In short, he made "good hubby" material. And I think those qualities sealed my fate.

But if you ever have the chance to ask the hub why he settled down with me, all you might get is a blank stare. I'm sure he didn't know what possessed him to get tangled up with me - other than the fact that I'm independent, "different" (for the lack of a better word) and relatively "low maintenance".

This same person asked if I'd ever go out with a handsome dude. My immediate reaction was "No". To me, just because you have the face or body of a Greek god doesn't mean I'll date you. Especially if you've got the personality of a clipped toenail.

It's also partly because of old insecurities inflicted during my tender years when I observed how boys drooled after pretty, doe-eyed, airheads who enjoyed the attention and flattery, toyed and flirted endlessly with their suitors. And the same for the hunks who knew their value was pegged to the number of lasses they dangled on their beefy arms. Their reputation was also based on the countless hordes of girls who snuck out of the boys' hostel rooms in the early mornings.

I detest the whole "use-and-dump" mentality. Really, if you don't like the guy or girl, why lead them into thinking there's hope when you clearly just want to have fun? What's the point of getting into a relationship when you haven't the slightest intention of keeping it going? And if you want to play the field, please let the other party be aware of this.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not preaching about moral issues. In this day and age, as long as mutual consent is given, anything goes. I'm not old fashion but I believe that we should take into consideration people's emotions. There will come a time when the physical relationship may take a plunge. What then? Will there be anything to bind the couple if sex is absent or they're forced apart because of work, travel and other commitments?

I don't have any answers, of course.

Do forgive me for ranting about such seemingly trivial issues. Lately I've seen so many cracks in relationships, some of which surfaced early but were ignored or casually swept aside only to be accumulated to an irreparable state over the years. I've also met people who don't appear to treasure what they have and hanker for more. Then there are the jaded ones who've lost faith in themselves and their partners, and cruise along detachedly, waiting for miracles they know will never happen.

Morbid, eh? Well, perhaps now you'll understand why I'm lousy company to keep when I get into one of these pensive moods. And why I make a terrible date.

Oh boy, do I pity my poor, poor hub. He'll have to put up with my nonsense till death do us part! Got to love him for his patience. Ha! ;D