Down but not Out

I had a pretty rough week emotionally.

Faced several issues at home pertaining mostly to the kids and the same old arguments about my inadequacy as a mother surfaced.

So yes, I'll openly admit that I'm not perfect and no matter what I do, I'll always be perceived as irresponsible and negligent.

Why?

Because I refuse to give up my career for my kids.

Because I don't spend enough time with them to ensure that they're academically brilliant.

Because I don't sign them up for the right type of enrichment classes that will help them achieve better academic results.

Because I'm too ill-disciplined to discipline my kids in accordance to military "YES, SIR!" and "YES, M'AM!" standards.

Because I openly shower my kids with hugs and kisses, and by doing so, demonstrate my love and affection to them, allowing them to catch hold of my weakness which they will exploit.

Because I don't know how to care for my girls when they get sick.

Because they're not eating sufficient nutrients and have poor meal-time habits.

Because I'm a terrible cook who can't feed the family with traditional recipes that will cure ailments.

Because my eldest is mildly dyslexic therefore I've tainted THEIR gene pool.

There's more, of course.

In essence, I'm a horrible mother with no redeeming qualities. I'm too soft with my kids and over-protective of them. I'm selfish and ill-disciplined, and I spend too much time in front of the computer playing mind-numbing games and indulging in social media activities.

For all that I've stated, I take full responsibility. I am guilty, as charged. And I await my sentence.

In my defence, I will only have this to say: what I'm doing for my children may be different from the usual practice, and I may not follow the rules religiously, but all's done with my children's best interests at heart. Every child is different so one rule doesn't fit all. Similarly Every mother is different, with different temperament and character and should be allowed to carve out own parenting style.

My thought of the week: "You had your chance to live your life the way you wanted. Now give others a chance to do the same. Please don't impose your views on what you think is right because you may not always be right. Just because others are different doesn't mean they are wrong."

And this is how I'm feeling right now:

The Caged Tiger
Confined in Space
Doped by Inertia
Placated by Comforts

Lost her appetite for thrills
Lost her ferocious roar
Lost her hunting skills
Gained unsharpened claws

But do not
Make the mistake
And do not
Underestimate

Try to touch her Cubs
Try to take them Away
Her Killer Instincts will Return
And the Perpetrator will Pay

For her Cubs
She will give her Life
A Fight to the End
A Fight till her Death

Teo Yuan Ching

19 March 2011

Copyright © 2011 Teo Yuan Ching